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July 31, 2009


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Seth Christenfeld

According to Wikipedia, "The name Cheesequake was derived from the Lenape Native American word Cheseh-oh-ke, meaning "upland" or "upland village"."

Which doesn't really make it any better, but still.

M Larsen

I've seen that before! Ah, here it is:



2.5 tons of cheese, grated
2 pounds fault lines
2 small-scale tremors
1 large-scale tremor
1 metropolitan area, separated


Preheat oven to 450 degrees F.

Lay fault lines length-wise in a lightly-greased baking dish.

Using a Mercalli scale, measure out 1.5 ounces of stress (generic stress will do; geologic stress is preferred). Mix stress and cheese in a large bowl for about 2 1/2 minutes on medium speed. Do not overmix.

Layer half of the stress-cheese mixture over the fault lines. Tap the sides (gently) to release air bubbles. Then add a layer of subterranean infrastructure. Pour the remaining stress-cheese mixture into the dish. Crumble dense, urban architecture over the whole surface. Cover with foil.

Put baking dish in oven and set timer for 30 minutes.

In a deep saucepan, saute 2 small-scale tremors in 1 tbsp. butter, until soft. Add 1 large-scale tremor and stir constantly. Reduce until tremors are a reddish, rumbling sauce. Keep stirring to maintain kinetic energy.

When timer goes off, fling oven door open, turn saucepan over into baking dish, scream and run for cover, preferably in a doorway. Watch for falling objects and scalding cheese.

Follow with aftershock and coffee for an elegant meal.

Kills 5 to 10 thousand.


5 points to gus

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